If you protect the otaku way and take the internet seriously, you will go to Akihabara in your afterlife (i.e., when you turn 40). Akihabara is the name for otaku heaven, where everyone loves anime, there are cosplaying maids, and all the panty shots (SFW) you could want.
If you hide your true otaku, and shun the otaku way, your afterlife will be in otaku hell. That's right, Silicon Valley, where everyone is just as geeky and tech-oriented as you, but doesn't understand you and even mocks your addiction to Japanese anime! That is just unfair... It is a fearsome, socially-crippling, cruel punishment...
I'm actually ok with otakus. Hey, whatever makes you happy, right? I considered myself a pretty tolerant guy until yesterday, when this showed up as a featured youtube vid. What the hell is this?! Someone make sense of it! It's not funny, cute, or entertaining! I love non-sequiturs very much, but this is just one long, awkward staring contest! WHY DID SO MANY VIEW THIS WILLINGLY?! Why couldn't my computer or eyes fail me for those awful 35 seconds?
Upon further investigation (clicking on her profile), I saw the warning signs of an otaku fanatic who was beyond salvation, beyond reason... "my dream... go to Japan..." "I'm not Japanese, but my site is..." "I don't know what my own site says..." (yeah, last one I made up, but it's probably true).
Otaku does not describe this level of unreasonable and unquestioning loyalty to a place. No, for someone this disturbing, a new word is in order. Its creation is as necessary as words like "hate" and "fart" are. I did not choose this word... like an onomatopoeia, the word just came to me when I saw her.
That new word is... Scien-otaku-ologist.
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